There are a few different veggies that you’ll never see on my blog. Onions, eggplant, hot peppers, copious amount of garlic. Since onions are used in practically every single dinner recipe known to mankind, this might strike you as odd. Am I an onion snob? Do I think I’m better than the lowly onion? What gives?

Allergies and intolerances, that’s what. As it turns out, both my hubby and I just don’t do well with onions. Lest this turn into a TMI post that has you scrambling for the unsubscribe button, let’s just say that onions make me *very* sick. Immediately. And they do the pretty much the same for the man. Onions in the raw are 10000 times worse for both of us, but sauteed or cooked onions still cause us upset tummies and a day or so of feeling unwell. Instead of onion, I’ll use the leafy part of celery and a few celery stalks. No, this doesn’t give the flavor that onion does but in a pot of chili, it fools the mouth into thinking that bit of crunch could be onion and since neither of us likes the flavor of onion, we don’t miss it one bit. I haven’t cooked with it in years so if you like onion in your dishes, you’ll want to add it accordingly.

As for garlic.. this is yet another intolerance that the hubby and I share. Too much garlic gives me heartburn and an upset stomach and he’s one of those unfortunate folks who oozes the stench of garlic from every pore, necessitating his sleeping in the guest room – of a house 10 blocks away. I’ll never forget the day he came home from work after going to lunch with his work buddy. He opened the door to the house and before he could walk through, I was assaulted by the noxious cloud that ran in ahead of him. It was like nothing I’ve ever had the horror of smelling before.

“WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SMELL?” I calmly asked him (although to hear him tell it, I was screeching…).

“It might be the white pizza I ate for lunch.”

“What is a white pizza? (And stop struggling – you’re not coming in this house so just get back outside.)”

“It was this really yummy pizza with lots of whole garlic cloves, white sauce, cheese. How come I can’t come in? It’s cold out here!”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you ate that pizza. You’re banned from the house until that stench goes away.”

I thought about putting him in with the dog but then I was worried that PETA might come after me for extreme dog abuse. At least if any vampires came attacking, I’d be safe. Cuz there was no getting past the staying power of that garlic. It took a full week before the smell finally dissipated and since then, he’s been on a “if you eat a clove of garlic, no judge or jury will convict me for what I’ll do to you” garlic moratorium. There are people who simply cannot eat garlic – he is one of them. As a result, you’ll find that I have a very gentle hand with the garlic clove. Just a touch here and a touch there – if you like your food to pack a real punch, you can up the quantity. My garlic is super subtle – just enough to provide the tiniest of flavors and give a bit of depth to whatever I’m cooking.

Which brings us to eggplant. And canker sores. Doesn’t everyone get mouth ulcers from eggplant? That’s what I used to think. I hated that vegetable as a child – Mom would pull it out and I would cringe, knowing I had several days of painful sores to look forward to. It wasn’t until I was an adult and could avoid that evil purple gourd that I came to understand that getting canker sores from food was not normal. No eggplant recipes will ever be found on my blog.

There is one final taboo item.. hot (chili) peppers. This hits both the mouth and the tummy for me – immediate canker sores and many a day and night writing in pain have taught me to steer very clear of the hot pepper family. Yes, I use a dash of cayenne peppers or paprika if necessary, but that’s about it. No amount of pink death (aka Pepto Bismol) or Alka-Seltzer can adequately negate the impact of a hot pepper on a sensitive system. Thankfully my darling hubby (sorry for throwing you under the bus earlier in this post, honey!) isn’t one for really spicy foods so I’m able to avoid using them in my cooking.

So there you have it. The whole sordid tale of woe and acid indigestion. Perhaps one day in the future, after eating paleo-style for a few years and removing other possible allergens (soy, dairy, corn) from my diet, I will heal enough to slowly begin using some of these off-limit vegetables. Maybe. But you still won’t find onions or eggplants in my cooking. They’re just gross!