Sometimes it is hard…

Once I learned I was a celiac, I made a vow to never cheat on my gluten-free diet. That was early 2003 and I’ve kept to that and have never knowingly ingested gluten. Being accidentally contaminated I’ve done plenty of times, but I’ve remained firm in my goal to see my life through without cheating.

That doesn’t mean this is easy. Approximately 2-3 times a year I really get into a funk and making meals is almost more than I can handle. It’s not so much that I miss what I cannot have – it’s that I miss the freedom of being able to just purchase a convenient food or eat out anywhere. I rarely eat out on our home turf as the places here aren’t GF friendly. On a typical day, that’s ok – doesn’t bother me. When I’m in one of my “woe is me” times, it really bothers me.

I love to bake and cook. It’s one of my main passions in life. But sometimes I would love the ease of picking up the phone and ordering a pizza. If I want a pizza, I have to make it from scratch. Or when I’m not feeling too swell – how nice it would be to send the hubby out for food. Instead, I have to power through and make dinner (or lunch or breakfast) anyway.

This is what gets me down. And this is where I’ve been since early-mid May. Feeling sorry for myself and having a few crying spells over what I can/not eat and that I have to make every. single. meal I eat.

I struggled in deciding whether or not to post about this. I am not one who likes to let others see weakness and I really wanted my blog to be an uplifting place to find great recipes and delicious eats. But that’s not reality and I think it does a disservice, especially to those who are new to the gluten-free lifestyle and think that they are the only ones feeling down and out. No, this happens even if you’ve been doing this long-term. Well, 7 years anyway… that is long-term to me. (smile)

But in addition to the freedom I miss, I do also miss a good number of foods. Not only am I a celiac, I also suffer from multiple allergies and intolerances and my diet is pretty limited. I cannot digest grains so all beans, corn, wild and brown rices are pretty much out. Even gluten-free cereals cause me digestive issues and I’m left feeling comatose and nauseous. I have oral allergies which makes my fruit and veggie intake very limited. And after my last stomach churning bout with ice cream, I’ve finally thrown in the towel on milk. Major bummer!

So basically, I guess I’m just saying that I’m human. And I do my fair share of weeping. But then I remind myself of how I’d likely be dead if I hadn’t found out why I was so horribly ill for so many years and I find the inner strength to go on. Yes, I might have a limited diet for the rest of my life — but I’m alive and compared to where I was 8+ years ago, I’m a new person!

And something I’ve learned, which is not rocket science and is likely what many others in my position already do (I never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the room!)… when I’m not in a funk, I make food and freeze it. Is the frozen pizza as chewy and delicious as when I make it fresh? Of course not. But it’s pizza, it’s pretty darn good, and it sure beats having to drag myself into the kitchen and make a meal when all I want to do is curl on the sofa and read a book.

I try to keep an assortment of baked goods and meals on hand in my freezer for just such a day. And I’ve taught our son how to make a mean breakfast so when I can’t muster up the energy to make it myself, he can go in there and emerge with crispy bacon, soft and tender home fries, and a delicious omelette.

I just make do. And look forward to the time when I wake up one morning and feel the weight of the sorrow and self-pity slide from my shoulders. And I give thanks that I’m alive and that I have so many delicious options available…